Ray of Light

I didn't write yesterday because I was sincerely busy the whole day, so don't worry that I was super down yesterday...it was pretty good.

Anyway, to catch you up here are my "Rays of Light" for Friday & Saturday:

*Friday: What a blessing good friends are. One of my friends from High School got a group of us girls together and it was a ton of fun. It was nice to be back with them and just chat about old times and find out that even though we really haven't been together much in the past years, we still have a lot in common and it almost seemed as if the years weren't between us.

*Saturday: Good family & the Good News! Last night I went with my mom and youngest sister to the General Relief Society Meeting*. It was so nice to be there with my family sharing with them what is most important in our lives. The messages the speakers gave were inspiring and uplifting and most importantly they moved me to live life better. One specific quote (I'm really paraphrasing because I can't promise it's exactly right) came from President Uchtdorf**. He said, "Being spirit daughters of God, happiness is your heritage." How beautiful is that. So often we get bogged down by the craziness of life and forget that in many ways, happiness is who we are. I feel SO blessed that I was there to hear this message and to be reminded what is really most important in life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*General Relief Society Meeting: A meeting they have once a year for the members of the Relief Society.
-Relief Society: Female Church members ages 18 and older belong to the Relief Society. The Relief Society was founded by the Prophet Joseph Smith on March 17, 1842, in Nauvoo, Illinois. In the days of its founding, it had two main purposes: to provide relief for the poor and needy and to bring people to Christ. The organization continues today, staying true to those original guiding principles as women in the Relief Society meet together on Sunday and in other settings as needed.

**President Uchtdorf:(born 6 November 1940), a former German aviator and airline executive, is the Second Counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church).

Ray of Light- Family Support

My DBSA support group has been great for me, as I've mentioned before. These last 2 Thursdays I've had other commitments that have kept me away. I didn't think I was so dependent on it, but it really does make a difference so I was so glad I could go again today.

For anyone dealing with a mental illness, family support is HUGE. I've been VERY blessed to have a tremendously supportive husband and other family members that are trying their best to understand what I'm struggling with. Sadly, that is not always the case.

Tonight at group, though, I was so pleased to see four family members there to support one of our group. They know that their family member is going through something difficult and instead of just turning this person away as "nuts," they're trying to learn as much as they can and be as supportive as they can...what a gift. I'm so thankful that this group member has this kind of support. It was truly a "Ray of Light" for me to see that.

A special thanks to all of the family and friends that are supporting someone through the nightmare of a mental illness. God bless you!

Slow Days

Boy, if you ever wanted to know when I'm having "slow days" you've just got to look at the holes in my postings!

So yeah, the last few days have been pretty hard. In a lot of ways I was all over the map. I'd feel great one day, down the next, great the following, and then back down again. Today I'm back to a good day (maybe not great, but good).

Thankfully even my "slow days" these days aren't nearly as bad as some I've had, but it's still hard and frustrating none the less. I'm still on myself because I can't get as much done as I'd like...well maybe it would be better to say, I'm still frustrated that I can't do as much as I once could. I know it's my reality, but it doesn't mean it isn't still hard.

I'm definitely continuing on the uphill hike, but we're still very much in a 2 steps forward, 1 step (or maybe even 1 1/2 steps) back. The progress is slow, but still in a positive direction.

I think I need to sing my "Dory" song a little more often.

Ray of Light

It was about 10:45 pm last night and I was about to crawl into bed (this is early for me) when I heard funny noises from the monitor. Braeden had been coughing a bit in the last few days so at first I didn't think anything of it. But then I heard the noise again.

Ryan and I decided it wouldn't hurt for one of us to go check things out and that was definitely the right decision. I came into the bedroom to find Bradley covered in throw up! (And NO that is not my "Ray of Light.") We quickly went into parent mode and got the messy bed and son cleaned up.

While Ryan was bathing Bradley he mentioned to him that he would give him a priesthood blessing*. First of all, I was SO thankful that I had a husband that was worthy of doing that. I was also really touched by what sweet faith Bradley had. He knew that this is what needed to happen for him to get better.

A few minutes later we were tucking him back into bed and as usual I was going to give him a hug and kiss. He puckered his lips to give me a wet one. I felt so bad, but I had to let him know that I was just going to kiss his cheek.

This was of course confusing to Bradley...not being aware of exactly how germs work, so I explained to him that if I kissed him on the lips I might get sick too.

I then asked him, "What would happen if Mommy got sick?"

Without hesitation he replied, "Well I'd have to have Daddy show me where the stuff was so I could give you a blessing!"

How sweet is that?!

I feel so blessed to have such a caring, sweet, and faithful little boy.



As a side note...he is feeling much better today and this will hopefully just be a 24 hour bug.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*Priesthood Blessing: A blessing given by a Melchizedek Priesthood holder, by the laying on of hands and by inspiration, to one who is sick or otherwise in need of special counsel, comfort, or healing. If the blessing is for the sick, consecrated oil is used (James 5:14-15).

Ray of Light- The Wonders of Yoga!

In a recent email my brother-in-law (he's away in New York serving a mission) mentioned that he was having trouble sleeping. Boy do I EVER understand that. I told him about some of the sleeping pills that have worked well for me and then I also suggested some yoga stretches before he goes to bed.After writing that, I realized that I REALLY needed to practice what I preached. I knew yoga stretches could help calm you and make it easier to sleep, but I'd never done any at bedtime before.

HALLELUJAH! (Think the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing this!)

It has SERIOUSLY been the best thing for me. Sure I don't sleep perfectly now, but I found a great set of exercises from Fitness Magazine...8-Minute Workout: Yoga for Better Sleep. In just 8 minutes I feel SO much more relaxed and ready to go into a restful sleep.

In the past I had to read myself to sleep, but now I just have to decide I'm feeling kind of sleepy, do my yoga stretches, and "POOF" I'm totally relaxed and ready to sleep. Sure I still take some reading time, but I don't have to push myself until I'm SO exhausted, which I'm sure not doing that already makes my sleep better.

This 8 Minute Workout has been a HUGE "Ray of Light" that comes in the darkness of the night!

LOVE IT!!!!! (Think Weezy from Dragon Tales!)

Ray of Light- To See Me

Today Ryan sent me the following link:
http://www.visionimpressions.com/poems/tosee.htm

For those of you that don't actually want to go to that site, here's the poem that is on it. If you do go to the site there is a beautiful picture and some music associated with it. As well as some additional dialogue about depression.

To See Me

by Deb Montgomery

So long...looking into the mirror

I saw only a reflection of an image,

a stranger looking back at me.

When looking into my eyes,

I saw only an emptiness, a void.

Beneath those eyes were many fears,

fears of pain,

fears of sorrow,

feelings of no hope.

How could I not know this face before me,

as I stood looking at the image in the mirror?

Where was this person that I used to be,

why couldn't I see?

Turning again looking into the mirror,

I saw my life,

one that had gone out

like a candle being extinguished.

All my pride,

my joy,

my hopes,

my desires,

my passion,

all was gone.

What reflected back from that mirror

was a stranger looking back at me.

Standing there feeling so alone,

lost and confused,

the fear set in, where was this person

I called ME?

Walking away from that image,

never wanting to look again,

my life continued on.

Over time I found myself looking in

that mirror again.

Yet this time when I looked,

what reflected back to me

was a face, my face,

my eyes filled with hope,

a burning love,a pride of being me,

a passion for living.

No longer a darkness did I see,

for out of my eyes a light was shining,

a reflection of ME!

For you see

I was no longer a stranger

to Me!

Yet there still is that pain deep within,

that pain has taken on

a new meaning in my life.

Through the tears

and

countless hours of feeling alone,

those hours I screamed out and no one heard

slowly through that pain and confusion

emerged the real me.

It took all those disappointments and life hurts

to make me stop

and look at the real Me!!

No longer am I just an image in a mirrorI

am a reflection of my life,

those hurts,

those joys,

that hope,

that burning passion,

that endless love.

I see now the true image

the image of Me!

I don't think I need to say much more. Deb Montgomery has so well captured what I am feeling. I don't believe I'm quite to the point of seeing the "real" me, but I'm on my way...and that is what hope is all about.

Ray of Light

I think I've mentioned it before, but I've recently moved into this home. Transitions are always hard, but especially when you move to a neighborhood where you don't know anyone. I've been trying my best to get to know people through church and what not, but even still that can be hard.

In the last area I lived they had this great program called "Music Makers." It was a great "Mom & Me" activity focused on music, movement, and finger plays. My boys LOVED it. I thought it would be perfect to start up here, not to mention be a great way to get to know other moms in my neighborhood.

I prepped and sent out flyers, but only had like 2 people respond. After about a week another one joined in. I was getting a little nervous, especially since one of the families will be moving next month and that would leave us down to just 3 moms. I suppose if we were always able to attend that would be okay, but I was really hoping for a few more.

Then today I was able to invite 2 moms, also new to the area to join. It's silly, but it made me so happy. I think that's the perfect number of participants. It gives us plenty of kids in the group, not to mention plenty of moms to help lead each different activity. YAY! I'm just so happy.

In a lot of ways I feel like my prayers have been answered. I've really been praying to feel more integrated into my new area and it felt like my efforts weren't really working out. I suppose just like everything, you just need to be patient and have faith (again, active faith...I was trying different things to get to know people, not just waiting for them to come to me) and things really do work out.