I want...I need...

I'm still just feeling SO stuck.  As I've mentioned before, I often feel like I'm having kind of an out of body experience.  I can see myself and I can evaluate the things that would be most helpful in my life, but I just can't do them.  I watch/hear myself being mean and snappy, but the words and actions seem to come out of me before I can do anything about them.  I don't want to be mean.  I don't want to blame others for the hell I'm going through.  I don't want to get in a rut that makes me such an emotional wreck, that despite all of my efforts in the past, I just keep gaining weight (one of my biggest signs that things are not going the way they should emotionally).  I want to be able to stop pretending.  I just want to be able to do "normal" (and I'm even talking my altered normal) things without putting every bit of effort into them.  I want to have enough energy to help guide my sons through the struggles of being 2 & 4, and not just give up and give into whatever they want.  I want to be a support for my husband who works SO hard to provide for our family and truly make a difference in the life of SO many troubled youth and their families, often without much thanks and often in the face of open hostility.  I want...I want...I want...or really I NEED.  

Please LORD, I need thy help.

I love my husband!

So I think I've mentioned before, my weight has always been an issue for me. I've had varying levels of success with different things, but especially after having kiddos, I've been up and down. Anyway, I've really started to hit things hard again these last few weeks, but sometimes I get frustrated with my lack of success.

Last night I was complaining to Ryan about my weight issues as well as the outcome of the election (sorry, not an Obama fan) and being the sweetheart that he is, Ryan listened dutifully. In an attempt to lighten the mood Ryan told me, "Well since Obama is all about redistribution, maybe he could implement redistribution of weight. All of the underweight people take 5 lbs. from the overweight people."

If only it was possible! That would be the best! I think I might sign up for 40-50 lbs! YEEHAW!

Okay, so in reality that won't work (DARN!), but it did lighten the mood. I'm so blessed to have such a patient husband that listens to all of my craziness!

I love you Ryan!