YAY for sun!

It really does make the biggest difference when it's a beautiful sunny morning. I still feel a little low, but seeing the blue sky and spending a little time outside does wonders for my mood. I'm excited that the rest of the week looks pretty good too. Maybe Utah's finally reached Spring.

Other rays of light:

*Snuggles with my sons.

*Freshly mowed lawn (that I didn't have to mow)

*Bradley's excitement about the last week of school activities.

*Actually sticking to my diet yesterday!

*Finally cleaning all of the tumble weed out of my yard. (It's truly amazing how much of that stuff gets into my yard with our "crazy winds" - as Braeden would call them.)

*Naps

*Knowing that when I roll over at night, my sweet husband is there beside me.

Renewed Hope

A friend of mine from my Hall Advisor days asked me to be a guest contributor on her blog. I was definitely touched and honored that she would ask. Her blog allowed me the chance to again reflect on how the light of the gospel has helped me through a struggle greater than myself. Thank you, Lori, for this opportunity.

So...I should include a few Rays of Light:

*Braeden actually sat on the potty...no promise that he'll actually continue this trend, or heaven forbid, do it without clothes ;), but we'll take what we can get.

*Ryan's home from his Cali trip. Glad he had the opportunity to speak at a conference, but even more glad that he's back here with me.

*Bradley's did an amazing job in kindergarten. He's a reading fiend. On more than one occasion, he's said, "I just got distracted. I was reading!" Ah, music to my ears. (But he does still need to eat his meals!)

Thanks again, Lori, for helping me to see the light in my life and feel a renewed sense of hope.

Ray of Light

*Candles in the window

*Ruth coming home from China

*BYU Football...GO COUGARS! (they better win!)

*Kindergarten Christmas Party

*Watching the boys pick presents for their dad

*Last day of school until next year

*Knowing Ryan has the rest of the week off work

*Glad that the holiday craziness is almost done...now to just enjoy!

*Snow (as long as you don't count shoveling!)

*Christmas Cards

*Holiday music

*The smell of wassail

And most importantly....

*A baby in a manger and the miraculous life He lived.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ray of Light

*Watching Bradley drive off with Grandpa for his very own Grandpa and Bradley movie date.

*Listening to his excited exclamations after he returned from the movie.

*Pumpkin pie!

Ray of Light

*Having Family Feud go so well with the Young Men and Young Women in our ward on Wednesday night.

*Being able to take a break Thursday so I could build up steam for Friday's family wedding.

*Watching my brother-in-law, Dan, and now my sweet sister-in-law Steph be sealed for time and all eternity. It was a beautiful day.

*Having another day to recoup from the craziness of a wedding! :)

Ray of Light

*A supportive husband that can talk me through even the hardest times...and if that doesn't work he's there to hold me while I cry.

Ray of Light

*I can get SO much information with just a click of the mouse...the internet is truly a blessing and one that DEFINITELY makes my life easier.

*A teacher who is doing all she can to help my child not get bored in school...it's hard when they're smarties like their daddy!

*Warm showers on a cold day!

Ray of Light

*Pulling the latest book order out of Bradley's backpack...pure joy right there!

*A sunny morning...even if it's still cold at least there's sun.

*Loading a dishwasher instead of washing dishes by hand.

*Having my own floor to sweep, instead of one that I rent.

Ray of Light

It's been too long...

...I can't say my life is fabulous right now. The last few months have been some of the worst I've had, but I made a medication change and I cautiously optimistic that maybe things are looking up. But one way or the other, I still have so much to be thankful for so at the very least I can mention those things that bring a light to my life during the darkness.

*Making apple turkeys with my boys (oh, and one "apple Braeden." He didn't want an apple turkey. You can see him on the right with the spiky hair, not feathers!)

*Hearing Bradley say his line in the primary program perfectly.

*Asking Braeden if he likes preschool and listening to his response, "Sure do!" (pronounced "shore dooo!" with kind of a western accent)

*Getting notes from my 5-year-old that say, "You are fantastic, Mom!" (after he asked me how to spell each word.)

*Having my 3-year-old lovingly pat my arm and say, "You okay. It not hurt." While they take a blood sample.

*Watching the excitement in Bradley's face as he does addition and subtraction. (I'm such a math nerd!)

*Hearing the excitement in my boys voices when their daddy comes home...he gives them every reason to love them.

*Asking Bradley if he'd like me to remove his bracelet from Red Ribbon Week (Drug Awareness Week) only to have him reply, "NO! I don't want people to think I take drugs!"

*Finding out that my insurance paid and extra $125 to my APRN so I have a credit and didn't have to pay for my list visit nor do I have to pay for my next visit...and they weren't supposed to pay anything until I met the WAY TOO HIGH deductible.

*Finally having the energy to exercise more than one time in a week...I'm still deciding if I'm thankful for the fact that I can barely walk today because of it? (That 30 Day Shred is a killer!)

As always I could go on and on. But I know probably what is most important is that I'm recognizing my blessings and making a specific point to be openly thankful for them...it's amazing what that can do...you should give it a try!

Finding the ray of light in the darkness...

I am exhausted!  Just plain exhausted.  I'm exhausted physically.  I am exhausted mentally (i.e. at first I was thinking physically was spelled with an 'f').  I'm exhausted emotionally.  I'm just not sure how I'll be able to pull together the strength I need to even do simple things like warm up hot dogs for the boys.

I was doing pretty well the last little while, but today was the last straw.  We woke up and Bradley had a temperature for 103 degrees.  No, that's not astronomically high and plenty of kids get sick every day, but this will make 6 weeks straight of at least one member of our family being sick.  I'M JUST SO TIRED OF IT!  

Part of me feels very ungrateful.  None of these sicknesses have been more than a week or so, but at the same time, they've meant that I'm cooped up inside (not so much from being outdoors...which does make a difference...but from doing things with other people).  One of the major coping techniques I've been using to fight my depression has been scheduled social activities.  And with every week of sickness more of those go out the window.  It really put me into a rut today.  So as I'm trying to crawl my way back out before my Young Women's activity tonight I thought I'd try to search for some Rays of Light.  They're always there and they always help.

*I'm finally feeling well enough after the flu I had last week that I don't dread going to sleep.

*It's sunny outside

*The cookies I made for Bradley's preschool class turned out well.

*The cookies I made for Bradley's preschool class are all out of the house now...phew!

*I got my grocery shopping done before Bradley got sick.

*I was feeling well enough (barely, but well enough all the same) to go to my brothers graduation last weekend.

*It's Wednesday so I was able to talk to my husband for a bit (on Monday & Tuesday he's out of cell phone range.)

*My boys are playing (with minimal fighting) downstairs.

*My Internet is working again (it wasn't this morning).

*I have a home.  One that the previous owners took GREAT care of!  Thank you!

*I married the man of my dreams...seriously!

*I have 2 beautiful and generally speaking, healthy boys.

*Ryan has a job that provides well enough to allow me to stay at home.

*I have amazing friends.

*I can email, and shop, and get on facebook, and blogger, and SO many other things online!

*I'm literate...it would be a SAD day for me if I couldn't read.

*I can pray and there is really someone there listening and answering.

*I can have a bum day today and have the power to start over tomorrow.

*I finally got my lawn aerated and he even fertilized for only an extra $5.

*We found our elliptical for only $50 and it's be SO good for me...I actually should have a date with it in a few minutes.

*Although I'm constantly fighting my weight, I have a healthy body that I don't have to constantly be "fixing" at the doctors.

*I have a great depression support group (DBSA).

*I have a college education.

*I never have to take another college class in my life, but I can if I want to.

*I have DVR (I know it sounds dumb, but I LOVE it...NO MORE COMMERCIALS!)

I could go on and on, but I should probably go fix those hot dogs.  But thanks for all of you that will read this post.  I don't know that just writing it for myself would be enough.  Thanks to you, too, for being a Ray of Light.

Ray of Light

Phew...the last few days have been CRAZY!  I've had as Ryan calls it the "Attila the Hun" of flus/colds.  It has really kicked me in the behind.  I seldom get that knocked down by a cold.  Anyway, I'm still pretty miserable, but in comparison to how I was feeling before it is SO much better so I feel like that is such a "Ray of Light."

Also, my dear friend Jen has been SUCH a "Ray of Light" to me.  She watched my boys nearly the entire day yesterday so I could get some uninterrupted sleep.  What a true godsend.  Thank you Jen!  And thank you to the many of you who offered to help as well.  It's such a blessing to know that you have friends and family who are there for you when you really need them, and not just people who offer because they feel like they "need to."

Ray of Light

Okay, so I'm REALLY trying to stay positive here.  BLAH!  Bradley has been really sick this weekend (i.e. fever that spikes up to about 106.4 degrees and that's while on Ibuprofen & Tylenol!).  Needless to say it's been a long weekend.  And to add to it, Braeden had a fever before Bradley so I thought Bradley had just picked up what Braeden had, but now Braeden has a fever again.  Pullin' my hair out here!

Anyway, my "Ray of Light" is that we actually have medications to help keep the fevers down.  I honestly think if this had been many years ago Bradley may not be with us anymore.

This will go away...this will go away...this will go away...my boys will eventually stop being TOTALLY cranky...eventually...RIGHT?! 

Ray of Light- You're Welcome, Vegetables

Bradley, Braeden, and I were eating lunch today and I realized how blessed I was when Bradley said, "Hey, I want some peas, carrots, and corn like you have!"  And this is after already eating some cucumbers.  I've really been blessed to have good eaters.

And little Braeden has been all about saying, "You're welcome!"  Sometimes he says it when he should say "please," or when he should say "thank you" and when he says it in the right context it is almost always before someone says "thank you" to him.  I just love it.

Ray of Light-Bradley

Bradley announced to me today, "Did you know it's February?  The weeks are flyin' all over!"

I guess his preschool teacher must have said that the weeks were flying by.  

I love it!

Ray of Light- Monsters!

This evening I was gone at a book group.  Upon arriving home, my husband told me I had to go downstairs to see the sign that our son made him put on his bedroom door.

It just made me laugh.  Of course I'm sad that he's scared of ghosts, monsters, and bad guys (his father is the one afraid of solicitors...maybe he should have included the IRS as well), but I love how a sign made him feel confident that he was safe.  Oh, the innocence of youth.  I love it!

P.S. Apparently after Ryan had written the note, Bradley realized they hadn't said anything about aliens.  Ryan asked him if good aliens were okay, and after they'd established that good aliens make cookies, even though (according to Bradley) they don't have hands, he was okay including the bad aliens in "bad guys." 

P.S.S.  This is my 100th post!  YAY!

Ray of Light

Okay, so I have another Ray of Light for today...the internet!  I love the internet for many obvious reasons, but specifically today for online tax preparation.  We've successfully e-filed and should receive our refund in less than 2 weeks!  YEEHAW!  It's SO much easier than it was when I first started filing.  No mailing, etc.  Love it!

Ray of Light

Friends.  What a difference good friends make in your life.  Over these past few months I've developed a great group of friends and it has made all the difference.  We have regularly planned activities that we meet to do each week and that is SO good for me.  Both the regularity of the events and the adult contact has made such a difference in fighting my depression.  So you great ladies...you know who you are...thanks for making a HUGE difference in my life.

Finding "Rays of Light" even in the worst times

Yesterday, my sweet little Braeden got sick and was throwing up.  Thankfully now about 24 hours later he seems much improved, which is a "Ray of Light" in and of itself, but a bigger "Ray of Light" comes in the form of a cuddle. 

Even though my sweet little guy was not feeling well and I can't say I enjoyed cleaning up the multiple throw up instances, but I wouldn't trade holding Braeden in my arms for anything.  There is nothing quite like being there to comfort your child, especially as they grow up and hugs and cuddles become what they want less and less. 

So even in some of the worst, sleep-deprived and yucky times, there are "Rays of Light."

Frosty Morning

I promised I would post pictures the next time our tree was dressed in frost.  I SO wish you could see it in person.  The images I've posted really don't do it justice, but here they are none the less.  I love seeing mother nature's beauty so up close and personal and I don't even have to leave my front yard!  (If you click on the photos to enlarge them you can almost see the frost crystals shinning.)

As the sun begins to rise.

The moon is peaking through.

Ribbons in the sky.

The heart of the tree.

Beautiful Contrast

Let the sun shine in.

Ray of Light

So I realized, that while things have been crazy, that was no excuse for me to stop noticing the good things around me.  So here are a few from the past few days:

*I love the way the light reflects off of snow.  It makes for such a beautiful, bright day.

*Welcome to the new generation...instead of imaginary friends, Bradley constantly has a "computer friend" playing with him all the time, as well as often a "computer bad guy."  I guess he's played enough computer and video games to be used to playing with someone all the time, even when he's really not.  It just made me smile.

*I've GOT to get a picture of it next time it happens, but we have a corkscrew willow tree in our front yard, so the branches are all twisty and curvy...really pretty cool.  But what makes them even more cool is frost.  It's happened a few times this year, but when the branches get a thick layer of frost on them it's the coolest thing.  I'll try to get a picture next time it happens and post it...even though it won't do it justice, at least you'll get some idea of what I'm talking about.

*I was having a pretty hard morning today, and then I FINALLY pulled myself out of it enough to go down and exercise, and I'm so glad I did.  It really does wonders for my emotional state.  It doesn't make everything all better, but it usually allows me to actually function.  Thank heavens for those positive endorphins.