I admit that I was jealous of her today. She recently started taking antidepressants and she already feels so much better. I'm SO happy for her and I would NEVER want her to keep feeling awful, but I wish I was feeling better too! Yes, I realize she just started them and things could level off or change or it could even mean all sorts of other things, but I guess I'm just sad I never experienced that.
Immediately after I started my antidepressants was HORRIBLE (she did have a rough first few days too), but even after that subsided, I was only able to "kind of" function. It was definitely an improvement, but I wouldn't say I felt "good."
Even still, I'm definitely light years better than I once was, but I would still say I don't feel "good" as a general rule.
Don't worry...I am tired and having more of a slow day today (definitely partially my fault...I was up reading late)...but again as a general rule I am MUCH better than I was before taking meds or even 3-4 months ago. I guess I'm just having a bit of a pity party day...kind of throwing a 2 year old tantrum, "But I wanna feel better! (insert foot stomp) It's not fair!"
Anyway, for this dear friend and any one else that has found solace and peace, I am truly SO happy for you. It is nothing short of a miracle that there are drugs and treatments out there that really work. I know that Lord inspired the minds of those scientists who discovered these drugs. May those of us that struggle in this unique way, only continue to be blessed by advancements in modern medicine.
(okay...I think I'm better now...phew I just needed to vent!)
4 comments:
When I first started taking mine I was high off the charts. I was giddy and kind of spaced out for a few days until things kind of settled in to a "normal" phase that lasted for a couple years. It really was a revelation for me, though. I remember telling my mom that I didn't know people could feel happy. Eventually I felt more numb than anything else, and I was on again, off again, trying to see if feeling horrible was better than not feeling anything at all. Anyways, I just wanted to commiserate with you for a little bit. And I think it's okay to want what someone else has, and then just keep plugging away. I know you can do it. :)
I have a good friend whose baby had some of the worst colic imaginable - her baby just screamed 24 hours per day. She literally tried EVERYTHING for six months, and nothing. It was miserable for her, and definitely the worst part of her life. She hated everything.
In all of her research about colic, though, she was able to help so many people with their colicky children. She could often suggest "did you try this?" even if that hadn't worked for her baby. She was such a blessing for others, even though she couldn't seem to do anything for her own child. It was immensely frustrating to her. Finally, after six months, an answer to prayer came and she was able to help her baby's colic subside.
In a way, it sort of reminds me of Joseph Smith healing children in the LDS towns and camps, but losing so many of his own. I don't know if you've seen the Joseph Smith movie at temple square, but there's a particularly poignant scene when Emma asks him WHY he can heal all of these other children, but can't save their own. I think that's often the case - we struggle intensely and sometimes can't seem to see a light at the end of our very dark tunnel, but others are so blessed for our efforts and wisdom. I think that's exactly what your blog has done for so many people.
I was worse on anti-depressants, especially Lexapro.
Hang in there! **HUGS**
Hi Marianne,
I understand your pain because I've been there before too. I wonder if you could talk about this with your psychiatrist? There are so many drugs out there, that surely there would be one that may work better. It's worth a shot. Also remember we're in winter, and that's a struggle just in itself. You can get through this, and let me know if you need my support along the way.
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