The Power of the Ensign

I think I've mentioned this in a previous post, but since I'm not sure, so follow this link to find out about the Ensign magazine.

Last night as Ryan and I were saying our evening prayer, I had a moment of inspiration.  I literally popped my head up and said, "AH!  Bradley is the "Star of the Week" tomorrow!" Well the fact that he was the Star of the Week" at preschool this week wasn't such a bad thing...it's actually kind of cool, but the fact that I hadn't prepared ANYTHING for it was bad (the parent's of the "Star o the Week" are supposed to present a little tribute about their child's life)...especially since it was 11:00pm.  :(  We finished our prayer (yeah, I usually don't make a habit of blurting things out in the middle of the prayer, but it just kind of happened) and I dutifully got up telling Ryan, "I'll see you in 2 hours!"  (I would love to say it got done quicker than that, but nope, I dragged myself into bed at about 1:00am, but I had a pretty darn cute tribute done, if I do say so myself...sorry a bit of a bragging moment there.)

If you've read my other posts you'll know that getting enough sleep is a HUGE factor in equalling a decent next day.  Today did not fail my expectations in any way.  And I swear the boys could tell that I was extra tired because they were in "tip top" form...YEAH RIGHT!  

I'm seriously not sure how they can scream so loud.  Most people say girls scream, but my boys can DEFINITELY scream with the best of them.  They are seriously the most ear-piercing screams...if you've heard one, you know what I'm talking about.  Well there was TONS of that going on.  I think I would have wanted to go hide in bed even if I didn't have depression.  After sending one kid down to play Game Cube and blessing the DVR for having extra Sesame Street Episodes on it for the other, I gratefully found the couch and spent the pre-preschool hours of the morning there.  

Despite my best efforts, I slept through the "alarm" (a.k.a. kitchen timer) I'd set for myself, and so the "Star of the Week" arrived at preschool about 15 minutes late.  Oh, and just an FYI, his younger brother was literally screaming the entire way to and from preschool (thank heavens it is SUPER close) because I put him in the car without shoes!

So by the time I got home, I REALLY wanted to crawl into bad and pretend today hadn't happened.  I desperately wanted to talk to Ryan, but unless I wanted to call his work, have them send the back-up truck to find him, then have him call me by satellite phone, that just wasn't going to happen. (I'm sure his boss would have loved me for that!)  And my sweet neighbor that has offered to watch my kids in the past, was in bed sick herself, with a house full of sick kids...yeah that wasn't going to happen either.  Oh, and not that this is exactly applicable to the story, but it goes to add to my emotional state, despite my ANAL efforts in following the South Beach Diet, I gained 2 pounds in the last few days...I SWEAR my body wants to hold on to EVERY pound it can...I promise Body, we're not in times of famine yet!

Needless to say I was a mess.  After snugly tying my 2 year old's shoes (yes, we're home by now, but that didn't matter...he wanted those shoes on dang it!) and gratefully praising the invention of the DVD, I sat down on the couch.  Right beside my couch, nicely squished into the corner is my "coffee table" (not quite sure why I still call it a "coffee table" since I don't drink coffee...tradition I guess...but I digress!) piled with copies of various magazines...most importantly the past several months of the Ensign Magazine.  I figured, "What's it gonna hurt?  I'll be sure to steer clear of home organization articles and the like, so it should be fine."  But it  was more than fine.

I flipped open the magazine to the "Latter-day Saint Voices" section.  This section typically shares spiritual stories from other members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints The first 2 I read, "My Prayer in a Stockyard" and "Exactly What I Needed" were exactly what I needed.  I finished reading through the other 2 entries in the section and by the time I was done I felt the peace of the Lord with me.  Sure, the idea of crawling into bed hadn't gone away (sadly that idea pretty much always sounds good), but I didn't feel the crazed desperation for reprieve any more.  I knew that I could "do" the rest of today.  I didn't have an assurance that things would be perfect or that my children would do exactly what I'd want them to do (boy would that be nice!), but I knew that the Lord was with me and that I'd be okay.  The message on just a few thin sheets of paper gave me hope to go on.

I know that the Lord is watching over me, and each one of us.  Look at your own life and as you make an effort to see the Lord's hand, you will.  He is there for each and every one of us, with or without depression.  I leave my testimony that He knows what we need, and if we'll just look and listen we will know that too.  I say this in Jesus name, Amen.