The Beginning of Ryan's Perspective

This is Ryan writing. For some time now, I have been meaning to make some contributions to Marianne's blog. She would like to have my perspective and my experiences represented here, as well. This is a daunting task for me, as I believe the depression in our lives has provided me with challenges different than-- but in some ways seemingly equal to-- the ones that Marianne has faced. She has depression in her body, but we have depression in our family and in our relationship. Just as it has taken time, effort, prayers, and much more for her to figure out how to do things with her depression, it has done the same for me. She has depression, therefore we have depression. 

Can you imagine what it is like to love someone more than anything else and want that person to be happy only to have your best efforts fall short because there have been times when the depression keeps her from feeling happiness... or almost anything? That is our story: the story of two people who love each other trying to work through the haze and the darkness the depression can bring to create happiness for each other and for our children. It has taken courage and faith. There have been moments of light and moments of near despair. But through it all, we are together. I think, perhaps, because of our experience with the depression, I have come to treasure those moments of unimpeded happiness even more. Perhaps that is the gift of the depression.

I have more to say than I could ever hope to communicate in a single post, but perhaps a good place to start is to share the lyrics of a song that spoke to me in one of our darker times. To me, it rang true in its ability to express my dedication to Marianne as we journey "through never ending shadows" in our shared faith that in the end, and along the way, we will find "greater light."

"Greater Lights"

(performed by Charlotte Martin)

Memories

Keeping me

My steps have said

You must go through every door

Where you are led

Silences hangs

In my fear

Daylight fades

And I know you will be here

Melting our ground

In never ending shadows

I'll follow you to greater lights

Burn through me

Around me

I'll follow you to greater lights

Words will fly

Beyond us

Waking now

No longer numb to the sound

Of every voice

In never ending shadows

I'll follow you to greater lights

Burn through me

Around me

I'll follow you to greater lights

In never ending shadows

I'll follow you to greater heights

Burn through me

Around me

I'll follow you to greater lights

I'll follow you to greater lights

I'll follow you to greater lights

I'll follow you to greater heights

I'll follow you to greater lights

To hear the song, follow the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D50oR8tBVKI